it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
