I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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