you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize