why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
