singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
false alarm, still single
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
