i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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