Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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