how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize