dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
