who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
