The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
