were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
