Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
