he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
