Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
