1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
