I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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