What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
