Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
