I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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