I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i think i have herpe
just one?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
