I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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