I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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