yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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