I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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