1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
