do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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