youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize