tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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