Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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