Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
