Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
