Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
