I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
