Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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