Farmville is her only friend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize