Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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