As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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