Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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