Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now

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(619): View more from California

He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking

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(+61): View more from Australia

I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again

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(423): View more from Tennessee

How’s your Christmas Eve so far?

(1-423): View more from Tennessee

I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.

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