I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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