he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
