Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
