we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize