my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
