He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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