I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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