you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
