After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
