remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize