I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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