Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
