I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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