i wish my penis had a tongue
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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