Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize