i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
