sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sorry about my life...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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