soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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