i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
