I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
