i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
