i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
