You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
