All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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