Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
