Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
