I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize