I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
