I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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