is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
