I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
