apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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