She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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