ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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