My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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