he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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