I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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