Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
