i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
