Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
