PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
