Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
