yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
