the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
