I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
