this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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