I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize