birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
