After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
