The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Houston, we have a blender
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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