That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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