Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
