2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
