No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
