We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She bit a glass in half.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
