Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
