I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
