but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
whose ass print is on the piano?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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