this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize