I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
