she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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