Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
