we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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