I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
