You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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