it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
