i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize