I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
