i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
