If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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